And The Winner Is

The people have spoken,
(No one I act'lly know),
But now John Tory is the new mayor,
Of central Toronto,

East and west, too, along the waterfront,
'Cept Chow's piece of High Park,
Proving white privilege doesn't exist,
Just confidence that rail tracks can be smart.

So, what of this exec'tive come mayor,
Who says business will,
Help fix this city, because they love it?
(Oh, and cash in their tills).

It's what it is,
Some say better than Ford,
Though, at least with him we knew what we'd get,
Let's wait a few months, then check on the poor.

Rob Ford on the Red Carpet

Just 'cause I got nothing,
Happ'ning in my brain now,
I'll dwell on Mayor Ford at the Oscars,
Just to avoid a row,

His impact on this city's close to nil,
I think that's safe to say,
Since he's said for I think the thousandth time,
I don't do drugs on this specific day,

Not that anyone would actually care,
If it didn't sway work,
But it does, no matter what he might say,
He seems to act the jerk.

So go ahead,
Be Jim Kimmel's sideshow,
Nothing you do'll hurt your reputation,
Or people's opinion of Toronto.

This Is The Ford That Never Ends

It has been a long time,
Since I've written of Ford,
His antics had exceeded the absurd,
And council cut the cord,

It was obvious he wouldn't alter,
His behavior at all,
All of his powers had been relinquished,
No one listened to him at City Hall,

Yet he kept on fighting for his beliefs,
Ignored charges 'gainst he,
Even now he stands tall in the face of,
A new film with Lisi!

So, what to say,
In this election year?
I guess if he continues to lose weight,
The Left might yet still have something to fear.

Back on Smack - I Mean Track

Now that engrossment's gone,
Like Mandela's demise,
Ukraine and Thailand protests, Jung-on's unk,
Have been moved down the line,

We'll return to Rob Ford,
The police have released more evidence,
By order of a judge,
And everyone's suspense,

So now we know that he's done heroine,
Not really a big shock,
He offered five kay and a car for him,
On film while smoking rock.

He's still all smiles,
Nor will police arrest,
Begging the biggest, ultimate question,
Is he forgiven by the elect'rate?

Good Luck for Ford

It's no surprise the polls,
Have remained high for Ford,
Much to the chagrin of so-called thinkers,
Who think voters want more,

But in fact they just want less for themselves,
Mostly want less taxes,
And while Rob gets paid, but can't change a thing,
What they see's that council now relaxes,

Free of the tether Ford put on the train,
Property tax goes up,
Yes, partly to pay for the Scarb'rough subway,
Which is the mayor's luck,

'Cause there's no plan,
He never worked with one,
The budget was in surplus when he won.
Now the city's cash-strapped with dwindling funds.

Sorry, Can't Ignore Ford

Don't need the BBC,
To catch up on Rob Ford,
Just wait five minutes in a crowded room,
The topic's in full force,

This time he said 'pussy',
He said 'PUSSY' to a room of news hounds,
Other than stunned gaffaws,
The 'ffect was to dumbfound.

Now when he speaks in the council chamber,
The councilors turn their back,
He's threatening to sue is former staff,
For what the police asked.

If there's no crime,
He's managed to create,
A new tone at Toronto City Hall,
Which, if he's re-ellected's, here to stay

Ford's Beyond Reproach - Far Beyond

It's all come to a head,
Mayor Ford's been called out,
By council after a police report,
Revealed sev'ral more counts,

Information gleaned from former staffers,
I should just make a list:
He drank on the job, they'd go buy him more,
Too, they got called names like, "liberal bitch",

One night he was seen with a prostitute,
Racial slurs were common,
One staffer refused a drive home from him,
After he chugged, like, rum.

Well, 'twas Vodka,
I changed it for the rhyme,
'Cause there's not much else I can add to this,
It's gone past something I can criticize.

The New WWF - World Wrestling Ford

It's purely fantastic!
Enough to enthrall,
The wrestling sideshow taking place o'er at,
Toronto City Hall,

First up's the Iron Sheik,
Who visits the office of Mayor Ford,
Decrying his crack use,
Which the Sheik's used before,

Then there's the footage of Rob's wrestler rant,
Who shows up the same day?
Brutus the Barber Beefcake with advice,
'Bout Rob changing his ways!

It's just surreal,
I'm really hoping then,
That the Honky Tonk Man enters the ring,
A once rival of Ford's ally Hogan.

Step One of Twelve for Ford

I guess I can't ignore,
The latest from Rob Ford,
He stood in front of the world yesterday,
And he gave this report:

“Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine,” the man said,
Embarrassing, but smug,
He said, "I kept this from my family,"
But more, "Especially from my brother Doug,"

But he won't step down as T.O.'s mayor,
"The past is the past", yo,
"I was elected to do a job" and,
There's a lot more to go.

He might be right,
Act'lly may be his goal,
There's so much to distract from his record,
Voters may not see'ee's not fulfilled his role.

I Don't Think Ford's Done

It's hard not to report,
As if the world don't know,
That the footage of Mayor Ford's been found,
Of him smoking crack, yo,

It's been the linchpin that's never been there,
Though, 'spite what the news gleaned,
Rob never said that it didn't exist,
He said it's one "that I have never seen..."

Now you have to wonder if it matters,
I know we care downtown,
We pinkos who listen to those maggots,
But those living around,

Everyone else,
They think he's a great guy,
Nothing's come out but that he may smoke drugs,
Which you could argue's his personal life.

Let's Just Stop Talking About It, Please

There's just too much to say,
It's so very tiring,
Trying to keep straight Ford's drug connections,
Instead of just firing.

Lisi, Price, Kordas, Kasim, Smith and Basso,
Need anymore arise?
It's not that he knows people of this ilk,
It's that Rob's smoked crack with some of these guys.

There is a point when circumstantial facts,
Tip the scales to one side,
And there's no amount of weaving this stuff,
To show he hasn't lied.

I want fairness,
And benefit of doubt,
But with no attempt at showing he's true,
It's probably time to show Rob Ford out.

Rethinking Ford-Bashing

Wait! I may've spoke rashly,
Regarding our mayor,
True, it's no big deal to have a good time,
That's what fest'vals are for,

But he was supposed to be somewhere else,
In an official way,
Not slurring words standing beside his car,
'Bout which there are other things you could say.

So when he was rounded up by his staff,
With taxpayer's police,
It's 'cause he was already late for work,
Job shirking, if you please.

If I did that,
Drinking during work time,
I would be warned, at least, if not let go,
Doesn't he have a Staff Handbook, like mine?!

Unwarranted Ford-Bashing

There's really not much else,
Except for Wallin's costs,
Oh, and various protests 'round the world,
Making the news like Rob,

Walking Bloor with a thousand other drunks,
Still nice to everyone,
He should have had a person with him,
That was the mayor's real aberration,

Because he was just having a good time,
He is a normal guy,
No more problems, too, than a normal guy,
Though, much harder to hide.

I take issue,
With the idea that,
He was wrong to enjoy the city fest,
Or that there's a way a mayor should act.

The Good Ol' Ford

Welcome back old Rob Ford!
And good-bye Robinson,
This hearkens back to the good early days,
When he could do no wrong,

When library committees were fair game,
Given to friends of note,
When Mammoliti put thumb up or down,
To let council know which way they should vote,

When people still believed the gravy train,
Was out chugging somewhere,
And Nunziata's antics were allowed,
From the speaker's chair.

He's got new life,
And confidence, too,
He's even scheduled his own Ford party,
To show the world what Ford Nation can do.

A Second Life for the Fords

Well, well.  Oh my Gawker!
What is the story now?
Is the video police evidence,
Or is Rob saved somehow?

Should eyes ne'er feast on the crack film again,
Then business will go on,
Of course, until Smith's murder file is closed,
The papers will still have speculation.

There is still the story of brother Ford,
Though no one seems to care,
E'en Ontario's Blues will take him in,
Once that's a dead affair,

For, here's the deal,
Like Woods once did note,
I quote, "Winning takes care of everything,"
And I think the Fords could still get the votes.

Doug's Turn

I guess we can't ignore,
This latest Ford scandal,
Though selling dope when you're a teen, to most's,
Easier to handle,

Like throwing rocks through windows late a night,
Or even driving drunk,
There's behavior typical of an age.
Lots of respectable adults were punks.

Though this is not part of the narrative,
That's erected by Doug,
The media is the "social elite",
With a hard-on for drugs.

Why not just say,
Like a normal human,
'When you're young you do things you might regret,
That help you be a better citizen.'?

Bye Bye, Casino

So, the casino's dead,
With little resistance,
Ford's 'golden opportunity' 's tarnished,
By Wynne's Lib'ral province,

Because it doesn't want to share too much,
And there's no reason to,
When other cities are quick to play ball,
And give up much more of its revenue.

This is one issue I'll have to applaud,
The mayor got it right,
If maybe for all of the wrong reasons,
Or perhaps lack of fight.

What I will say,
Like David Hume before,
It doesn't matter why a thing is done,
It only matters who it is good for.

The Ford Saga

It's unbelievable,
Like the Leafs being out,
Like if Harper wore a tutu and said,
'The future is in doubt'.

It's not that I'm surprised that he'd smoke crack,
He is of the people,
And the people will still stand behind him,
Even if he's seen trolling for cheap pills.

What blows one's mind is that he's our mayor,
A fairly large city,
One of the most robust in the whole world,
Downtown or surrounding.

And here he is,
Forget controversies,
He spends time stifling debates on transit,
And wastes it getting kicked out of parties.

A Taxing Issue

Where does Mayor Ford think,
Money's come from 'til now?
Taxes are how govs get their revenue,
Not some sneaky cash cow.

If you want to choose the transit option,
Costing three times light rail,
And pay for it by tightening your belt,
It's good we've started with such a large male.

Of course now we have all come full circle,
After spending tax funds,
On consultants and debates and of course,
Lots of pulling of plugs.

Where're we getting?
So far, not very far.
I've taken the TTC once this year,
'Cause I spent all but three bucks at the bar.

Report on Mayor Ford

No matter what you think,
'Bout our 'llustr'ous mayor,
You can't say he doesn't deflect focus,
From the deeper layers,

From public discourse about what we think,
Toronto should become,
Unless, I guess, you live outside the core.
I'm sounding like a leftist, pinko bum!

But really, what has Rob Ford actu'lly done,
'Cept pretend that the debt,
He fixed partly by raising prop'rty tax,
Wasn't something he set.

All his antics,
Fudging, drinking, gay flags,
Makes me harken for the days when mayors,
Were noted for doing their job in rags.