Please Move

Folks are getting sloppy,
At least the younger ones,
Those who are old enough to know better,
The 'duh' generation,

The weather's nice, so they all want to meet,
In big crowds at the park,
Congregate in illegally-sized groups,
Because SARS does not compare to a lark,

It makes you wonder what they were doing,
Before the sun came out,
I'm sure their actions were no different,
Behind closed doors, no doubt.

What do we do,
The older and the wise?
It's hard to put somebody in their place,
'Fyou can't get closer than six feet to try?

Where Are You From?

Do you know where you're from?
It is not Toronto,
If you live north of Steeles or even Finch,
Or just don't really know,

If 'don't know how to dress, e'en iron'c'lly,
And cannot talk 'bout it,
Don't believe that higher taxes are good,
Then say you're from the T dot? I doubt it,

Y'should drive aggressively, but politely,
While talking on the phone,
Pay too much for your home, but say't's worth it
Whether you rent or own,

But most of all,
Do not make eye contact,
Unless you're willing to go all the way,
Most of all, Torontonians don't act.

The Tunnel

So, who built this tunnel,
And where was it to go?
Hard to believe it had no dest'nation,
It was a hallway, yo.

Sure there was a rosary found down there,
That put the cops at ease,
'Cause Cath'lics have ne'er been prone to vi'lence,
Probs to be a home for orphaned babies.

They say it's not a crime to dig a hole,
Still, they're anxious to know,
Who took time to dig that impressive thing,
They'll ask no questions, no.

Just shake the hand,
Of people so clever,
Then snap a cuff on them 'till they confess,
To stealing their supplies from the Rexall Centre.

And The Winner Is

The people have spoken,
(No one I act'lly know),
But now John Tory is the new mayor,
Of central Toronto,

East and west, too, along the waterfront,
'Cept Chow's piece of High Park,
Proving white privilege doesn't exist,
Just confidence that rail tracks can be smart.

So, what of this exec'tive come mayor,
Who says business will,
Help fix this city, because they love it?
(Oh, and cash in their tills).

It's what it is,
Some say better than Ford,
Though, at least with him we knew what we'd get,
Let's wait a few months, then check on the poor.

Rob Ford on the Red Carpet

Just 'cause I got nothing,
Happ'ning in my brain now,
I'll dwell on Mayor Ford at the Oscars,
Just to avoid a row,

His impact on this city's close to nil,
I think that's safe to say,
Since he's said for I think the thousandth time,
I don't do drugs on this specific day,

Not that anyone would actually care,
If it didn't sway work,
But it does, no matter what he might say,
He seems to act the jerk.

So go ahead,
Be Jim Kimmel's sideshow,
Nothing you do'll hurt your reputation,
Or people's opinion of Toronto.

This Is The Ford That Never Ends

It has been a long time,
Since I've written of Ford,
His antics had exceeded the absurd,
And council cut the cord,

It was obvious he wouldn't alter,
His behavior at all,
All of his powers had been relinquished,
No one listened to him at City Hall,

Yet he kept on fighting for his beliefs,
Ignored charges 'gainst he,
Even now he stands tall in the face of,
A new film with Lisi!

So, what to say,
In this election year?
I guess if he continues to lose weight,
The Left might yet still have something to fear.

Back on Smack - I Mean Track

Now that engrossment's gone,
Like Mandela's demise,
Ukraine and Thailand protests, Jung-on's unk,
Have been moved down the line,

We'll return to Rob Ford,
The police have released more evidence,
By order of a judge,
And everyone's suspense,

So now we know that he's done heroine,
Not really a big shock,
He offered five kay and a car for him,
On film while smoking rock.

He's still all smiles,
Nor will police arrest,
Begging the biggest, ultimate question,
Is he forgiven by the elect'rate?

I Don't Think Ford's Done

It's hard not to report,
As if the world don't know,
That the footage of Mayor Ford's been found,
Of him smoking crack, yo,

It's been the linchpin that's never been there,
Though, 'spite what the news gleaned,
Rob never said that it didn't exist,
He said it's one "that I have never seen..."

Now you have to wonder if it matters,
I know we care downtown,
We pinkos who listen to those maggots,
But those living around,

Everyone else,
They think he's a great guy,
Nothing's come out but that he may smoke drugs,
Which you could argue's his personal life.

A Rare Murder Charge for Cop James Forcillo

Forcillo's not surprised,
That charges have been brought,
Against him in the case of Sam Yatim,
For on YouTube he's caught.

Sammy's standing in an empty streetcar,
Twenty cops at the door,
Forcillo must have had somewhere to go,
And couldn't wait for Yatim anymore.

Nine shots he let fly, some after Sam fell,
Of course he lost his life
'Fore the Taser was used. That must have been,
One scary looking knife.

But James is shocked,
The call's second degree,
Meaning he wanted to kill that young man.
How many more shots he think he would need?

Let's Just Stop Talking About It, Please

There's just too much to say,
It's so very tiring,
Trying to keep straight Ford's drug connections,
Instead of just firing.

Lisi, Price, Kordas, Kasim, Smith and Basso,
Need anymore arise?
It's not that he knows people of this ilk,
It's that Rob's smoked crack with some of these guys.

There is a point when circumstantial facts,
Tip the scales to one side,
And there's no amount of weaving this stuff,
To show he hasn't lied.

I want fairness,
And benefit of doubt,
But with no attempt at showing he's true,
It's probably time to show Rob Ford out.

Rethinking Ford-Bashing

Wait! I may've spoke rashly,
Regarding our mayor,
True, it's no big deal to have a good time,
That's what fest'vals are for,

But he was supposed to be somewhere else,
In an official way,
Not slurring words standing beside his car,
'Bout which there are other things you could say.

So when he was rounded up by his staff,
With taxpayer's police,
It's 'cause he was already late for work,
Job shirking, if you please.

If I did that,
Drinking during work time,
I would be warned, at least, if not let go,
Doesn't he have a Staff Handbook, like mine?!

Unwarranted Ford-Bashing

There's really not much else,
Except for Wallin's costs,
Oh, and various protests 'round the world,
Making the news like Rob,

Walking Bloor with a thousand other drunks,
Still nice to everyone,
He should have had a person with him,
That was the mayor's real aberration,

Because he was just having a good time,
He is a normal guy,
No more problems, too, than a normal guy,
Though, much harder to hide.

I take issue,
With the idea that,
He was wrong to enjoy the city fest,
Or that there's a way a mayor should act.

Good-Bye Honest Eds

Everyone in T.O.,
Knows that bright, dazzling sign,
Dollar store wares and Walmart-savvy staff,
It is one of a kind.

Now sixty-five years old, it's up for sale,
And it won't stay a store,
Probably hasn't made a penny in years,
Free birds given at Thanksgiving no more,

Instead this hallmark of the Mirvish clan,
Becomes prime real estate,
Another piece of land to develop,
Lots of money to make.

It's always been,
A symbol against greed,
A reminder that things can just exist,
Without making it something that you need.

Happy Pride, Politicians!

This weekend's pride parade,
Was a 'who's who' affair,
Like, 'who's that old guy in the purple lei?',
Oh, that's Thomas Mulcair!

He's shaking hands with that lib'ral heartthrob,
Not talking 'bout Bob Rae,
Though he was there in beads and holding signs,
That anywhere else would be called risqué,

Of course I'm talking about young Trudeau,
White pants and casual shirt,
Laughing and smiling beside Premier Wynne,
This public'ty don't hurt!

Especially when,
One was clearly absent,
And let's be fair, he would be hard to miss,
That's no way to rep T O's government.

Guess Who's Back In Hudak Town

I swear I'll eat my hat,
If the rumours don't fly,
Because Broten's leaving Etobicoke,
About another guy,

A guy who has called the Conservatives,
And told them that he's free,
Ready to serve in a blue government,
That will fix the errors of McGuinty.

Yes there's some rumours already around,
'Bout this Ward Two Counc'llor,
Regarding the sale of pounds of hashish,
Round 'bout age twenty-four,

But he's past that,
And this is his home town,
The fact that nothing's come of the Globe claims,
Should make Tim Hudak come right back around.

The Good Ol' Ford

Welcome back old Rob Ford!
And good-bye Robinson,
This hearkens back to the good early days,
When he could do no wrong,

When library committees were fair game,
Given to friends of note,
When Mammoliti put thumb up or down,
To let council know which way they should vote,

When people still believed the gravy train,
Was out chugging somewhere,
And Nunziata's antics were allowed,
From the speaker's chair.

He's got new life,
And confidence, too,
He's even scheduled his own Ford party,
To show the world what Ford Nation can do.

A Second Life for the Fords

Well, well.  Oh my Gawker!
What is the story now?
Is the video police evidence,
Or is Rob saved somehow?

Should eyes ne'er feast on the crack film again,
Then business will go on,
Of course, until Smith's murder file is closed,
The papers will still have speculation.

There is still the story of brother Ford,
Though no one seems to care,
E'en Ontario's Blues will take him in,
Once that's a dead affair,

For, here's the deal,
Like Woods once did note,
I quote, "Winning takes care of everything,"
And I think the Fords could still get the votes.

Doug's Turn

I guess we can't ignore,
This latest Ford scandal,
Though selling dope when you're a teen, to most's,
Easier to handle,

Like throwing rocks through windows late a night,
Or even driving drunk,
There's behavior typical of an age.
Lots of respectable adults were punks.

Though this is not part of the narrative,
That's erected by Doug,
The media is the "social elite",
With a hard-on for drugs.

Why not just say,
Like a normal human,
'When you're young you do things you might regret,
That help you be a better citizen.'?

Bye Bye, Casino

So, the casino's dead,
With little resistance,
Ford's 'golden opportunity' 's tarnished,
By Wynne's Lib'ral province,

Because it doesn't want to share too much,
And there's no reason to,
When other cities are quick to play ball,
And give up much more of its revenue.

This is one issue I'll have to applaud,
The mayor got it right,
If maybe for all of the wrong reasons,
Or perhaps lack of fight.

What I will say,
Like David Hume before,
It doesn't matter why a thing is done,
It only matters who it is good for.

The Ford Saga

It's unbelievable,
Like the Leafs being out,
Like if Harper wore a tutu and said,
'The future is in doubt'.

It's not that I'm surprised that he'd smoke crack,
He is of the people,
And the people will still stand behind him,
Even if he's seen trolling for cheap pills.

What blows one's mind is that he's our mayor,
A fairly large city,
One of the most robust in the whole world,
Downtown or surrounding.

And here he is,
Forget controversies,
He spends time stifling debates on transit,
And wastes it getting kicked out of parties.