Delayed Thought

I don't have time for this,
No time to think things through,
To avoid thinking back to things I say,
In this moment with you,

I need to work on who I want to be,
Truly, it's about time,
Even if that means being who I've been,
Letting circumstances be what defines,

What it means to be who it is I am.
It's worked for me so far?
It's a testament to my self knowledge,
That I'm not really sure.

This is my life
Either by faith or fear,
With no concrete consequence either way,
Always hoping that this could be the year.

Survive

What have you done in life,
When you look back on it,
Thinking through the decisions that you made,
And what you've not done yet,

Those times you were presented with a choice,
Did you take time to think,
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven steps out,
From the possible consequences brink,

Or did you put faith in some kind of fate,
You thought was on your side,
Because you lived life without strategy,
Like it's some kind of ride,

Which it respects,
It you personified,
While you waste time thinking what could have been,
If you could have stomached knowing you'd like.

Too Bad, So Sad

So I didn't get it,
Worse things have happened, no?
People have died, bombs dropped, houses destroyed,
Someone has spoiled the end,

The key is not to hold on to the past,r> Except as a lesson,
What to do, not to do, to do next time,
Know societal configurations,

Oh sure, take some time to commisserate,
We all need catharsis,
Even draw it out for a couple days,
If you think you'll exist,

For long enough,
Tomorrow's not ensured,
In your final moments, you think you'll wish,
Your indignation with the world endured?

Don't Bother Reading This

I have nothing to say,
So, let me start right now,
I do think I have it all figured out,
I only don't know how,

I successfully got myself this far,
That is, I'm still alive,
Despite that we're a system made of things,
Individually can't be revived,

I mean, what keeps all our parts together,
Don't tell me that it's god,
You may's well tell me it is a fairy,
That assembled this bod,

Until I see,
How that matters to me,
Right now, as I navigate labrynth,
That brings death to all who manage leaving.

Keeping the Peace

Tonight I've a mission,
Not to be Scorpio,
To refrain from caring about affronts,
To my intense ego,

Which does not care to socialize with those,
Who behave with bad faith,
My instinct is to let them understand,
That the consequences are mine to make,

Instead I must put on a mask that says,
I don't see anything,
That is the only possible reason,
That they'd still be living.

I'll wear my horn!
Hanging from a gold chain,
Its presence will keep me safe from the truth,
Which will only lead to regret and pain.

Starting Off Well

I've been told not to hope,
Lest I jinx my chances,
Like the universe don't like to be led,
When you and she dances,

I cannot say that I blame her for that,
It's her party ain't it?
Then again, the best parties I've been to,
Were open to a change to the event,

What is wrong with experimentation,
Trying to mold futures,
Surely there have been people with success,
That hopefully nudged her!

We live once, right?
So, my question is this:
Why do I feel better failing at hopes,
Than succeeding while I'm oblivious?

The Danger of New Lives

Ev'rything is changing,
But, can I change also?
A life I never thought that I could have,
Is one I'll never know,

There are people I never thought I'd meet,
Saying hello to me,
They may as well be saying gobbly goop,
For all I know what they honestly mean,

You know that guy you know you'd never trust,
Because you can see him,
Juxtaposed to what is all familiar,
To what has always been?

Well now I'm blind,
I can't let myself go,
In time I may learn how to navigate,
If I don't succumb to an unknown foe.

Making It Worthy

Let us get things started,
So much time on our hands,
Idleness makes a dang'rous companion,
When you do not have plans,

When there's nothing you would like doing more,
Than watch the next Picard,
Even if it gives important lessons,
You can apply when you are not so bored,

Thinking about all you could be doing,
In the time passing by,
That you will never get use again,
Before you, ahem, die.

That made me laugh,
I guess my work is done,
If I do nothing else again today,
This five minutes has been my redemption.

No Turning Back

Don't know what to tell you,
Thought you knew who I was,
We have spent so many years together,
We were barely an us,

Yet, apparently, I was incorrect,
Your perception of me,
Was someone I didn't know existed,
Within the bounds of our episteme,

Perhaps if you had said something before,
When the gap was less wide,
Twixt how you want me to be and who I'm,
Instead of having lied,

We'd still be friends,
That's what I thought we were,
I've been living in a world that's not there,
The real one's not one I wish to conjure

Feel Better

Speed isn't relative,
Success is in your mind,
If you need proof any of that is true,
Take a look at my life,

Forget that, try taking a look at yours,
Not too fast, or you'll fail,
You might have what ev'ryone thinks you want,

We know one only want what's not for sale, 

Ush'lly because we don't have the money, 

Time, brain, or confidence, 

The yellow brick road requires all of these, 

Run by A.I. agents,

You'll be alright,
The bible told me so,
Death of his kids, pain, and judgemental friends,
Was only god playing around with Job.

Knowing

Why's it any diff'rent,
Doing something at work,
When all of a sudden things fall in place,
During a phase you've shirked,

Compared to the time you showed up someplace,
When fate conspired magic?
Everyone called it coincidence,
In essence, such things are no different.

The trick is living as if they're the same,
Whether luck or spirits,
Choosing a path helps you to understand,
It doesn't matter which,

They're all the same,
But knowing that's wisdom,
Which you only learn through experience.
I'm sure I will one day learn this again.

Waiting

I am feeling nauseous,
Drinking alone, late night,
He told me they were going to be here,
I chose to take the night,

All around me are sad stories swirling,
Not uttered for my ears,
But for those attached to the ones speaking,
No one even noticing I am here,

My mind is game but my body's fading,
I'm old but still living,
The music's from when I was in hogh school,
Too shit for listening-

Wait, is that them?!
No, I guess they will text,
Maybe I will be here when they get here,
I just want to be wondering what's next.

Gotta Go

I just feel like writing,
I have nothing to say,
Sometimes I have a burning in my hear,
Of self-loathing and shame,

For, of all things, not being productive,
As if what is outside,
Doesn't mean something different to you,
Than that which you cannot see with your eyes,

Even now I feel like I'm wasting time,
Procrastinator's curse?
Is it for that, that I've not anything,
But the moths in my purse?

I'm better now,
I needed distraction,
Action to convince myself I work hard,
Something real to upchuck my inside in.

Another Loss

You have the right to cry,
For friendships you have lost,
What do we have to tell us we're human,
Than other people's thoughts,

Coupled with those that come out of our mouths,
Forging real'ty new,
Proving that despite all that we might face,
Together there's nothing we can't get through,

That there's no counter ideology,
That you can't justify?
No, with friends anything is possible,
Until they leave or die,

So, cry away,
'Til someone new appears,
Don't begrudge time spent with those who are gone,
May you live so long they're measured in years.

Troubador

Can bad luck portend good?
I've only that hope left,
Positivity comes in many forms,
But that's not true for debt,

You can do all the right thing for yourself,
At least, what you think's right,
Then measure success by a different guage,
Because value is determined by might,

You have no control over what you do,
Sorry, you disagree?
I wish I could live your reality,
Despite what I can see,

Then die happy,
Oh boy, that's depressing!
Yet somehow I'm comforted by these thoughts,
I want to pick up my guitar and sing.

And So It Begins

Tomorrow is the start,
Of what never began,
That this mind thought would be decades ago,
Encased in a young man,

When everything seemed much easier,
The avenues endless,
Laughing while others followed just one route,
Now too far away to share their riches,

With knees aching and expectations high,
More road than life allows,
Perhaps this is where he was always meant,
To live his final hours,

Not quite alone,
No, it's not been so bad,
Love, shelter, art, and friends, just no money,
The one thing he never thought he'd not have.

My Own Worst Enemy

I am getting antsy,
I need something to do,
At this point I don't care what it might be,
As long as I'm with you,

Once upon a time it was about cash,
Sometimes about success,
For me neither has come from wanting them,
Nor have they e'er come from wanting them less,

Nor have I ever really felt this good,
It must be a good sign,
For what I wouldn't dare hazard to guess,
Lest I am undermined,

I think to much,
It affects many things,
While I think too little about topics,
That would probably yield me ev'rything!

To Love

What is this life about?
I am sure, but not sure,
My gut tells me that to follow my gut,
Is the path the most pure,

It is easy to step out of your mind,
Look down upon this world,
Imagine there is nothing but yourself,
Like irritants that produces a pearl,

Then once you have established your self-worth,
Take in your surroundings,
For they are now something outside of you,
That's what's called maturing,

But you're not done,
Now you have to discern,
What adds to your life and what takes away,
This is the secret we all try to learn.

Here for a Short Time

I'm an existent'list,
Perception is my thing,
It's all about how I feel this moment,
Regardless of feelings,

No matter how much money's in the bank,
How much of it's not mine,
What part of it is what I must pay back,
With insufficient income all the time,

Even when I think nothing's going right,
Despite how hard I try,
Like luck is real and likes me not at all,
I'm plunged into the night,

But not for long,
Reality will lose,
I'm determined to leave this world happy,
Defeat to life's a fate worse than the noose.

First Snow Day

Sister snow came today,
The world is different,
More difficult to get out of your bed,
When the sun's always set,

Go out! For the reality you know's still there,
Beneath the bitter cold,
If we are being completely honest,
I'm some circumstances, that is called bold,

When she says things like that you shake your head,
She knows what she's doing,
She admitted it openly before,
To get your sympathy,

And she got it,
If means more than your pride,
Your rather be dragged on stones by a horse,
Than betray what you feel on the inside.<\blockquote>