Late At Night

Where is self-confidence,
What do I have to pay?
Not the kind you can talk to a stranger,
But knowing what to say,

Seeing everything in front of you,
Knowing what people want,
Seeing their motivations and their fears,
More than that, knowing what it is you want,

I'm starting to think there's a lot of you,
I wasn't in the game,
Just wishing that being me was enough,
While you just gained and gained.

It's my time now,
I mean, I know no more,
I just think that it's finally my time,
To see the reason for what came before.

Oh Well

Is there any value,
In understanding things,
In a way that others can understand,
That once were mysteries,

Which you think could be used to help others,
Helping people connect,
Showing them how to make things fair for all,
Else, you'd not have wasted your intellect,

That then's used to give one an advantage,
(Not sure why I'm surprised),
Because despite what we always hope for,
Humans are not nice guys?

'Course you could say,
There is still a chance, yet,
Just like the sun might not rise tomorrow,
I am sure not going to take that bet.

Brain Fog

I don't know what to say,
My head is all foggy,
I'm trying to lean into this new state,
Than sweeping it away,

We are born into this world as we are,
We've no sway over that,
Then as we grow we are just what we are,
Doesn't matter what we were aiming at,

So here I sit wondering what is next,
Changes or all the same,
Either way, I will be just who I am,
Really, it's all the same,

Except this thought,
Then the one that follows,
No matter where you are, that's where you are,
And where that is nobody really knows.

Just Do You

Some folks say it's bad luck,
To acknowledge your wins,
Live life without any expectations,
Desiring is a sin,

That is punished by never succeeding,
Even when you succeed,
For what you desire isn't the thing,
But the impossible to fulfill need,

But surely one can straddle both sides, no?
Gratefulness and desire,
One cannot exist without the other,
Nor should one be higher,

You need balance,
I'm sure you heard that, too,
Of course one might prefer to switch extremes,
Or attain an equal mix of the two.

Can't Be Mad At What You Don't Want

Despite the fears you have,
Sometimes you must believe,
So a thing has no chance of existing,
In the world you perceive,

It's nothing to do with it being wrong,
It is just wrong for you,
If you want to live in a world you want,
Not letting wrong be's the least you can do,

When you don't, you give part of life away,
The only one you got,
Which is fine if you know what you're giving,
Assuming you were taught,

See, there's the rub,
We can't do it ourselves,
There is no world without other people,
E'en when you are totally by yourself.

Why A.I.

A documentary,
AlphaGo is its name,
In two thousand, sixteen Google's DeepMind,
Won humanity's game,

Built of vast options and intuition,
No computer could fake,
Chess was impressive but just proved one thing,
The best computing could computers make,

But eighteen world Go champyan Lee Sedol,
Could ne'er lose to A.I.
For DeepMind was just that, and you know what?
Well, in Go, there's no tie.

But here's the thing,
Once Lee got over loss,
It turns out his game got better than if,
He never played DeepMind and never lost.

Now

I am all alone now,
Though someone else is here.
Some'd say this is a weird situation,
Well, maybe that's just fear,

Speaking if which, that's something to avoid,
If you've had quite enough,
Fear is just one of many ways to see,
You must see more to know what's truly up,

Like do you like to do or not to do?
Yes, that is the question,
It's not that ev'rything's been said before,
It's what, where, who, and when.

What do you know?
I bet you know a lot,
If only we cared 'bout what people know,
Maybe the world wouldn't be so fucked up.

The Way

I can't be safe no more,
I've realized it's not safe,
It's got to do with my mid-heaven sign,
According to my wife,

It's something I've always been aware of,
Always riding the line,
Because, you know what, sometimes safe is good,
You can literally die crossing lines,

The trick is knowing which ones are okay,
Oh, and not testing fate,
If you're not sure, err on the side of no,
Good things to those who wait,

Not those who die,
They may be remembered,
Bet you don't know what happens when you die,
Don't find out until you're old and tenured.

It's a Sign

My water is rising,
My sun is water, too,
I am floating in air far above earth,
The fires, quite a view,

To the dark side I fly, not the first one,
Still, it's colder than hell,
The stars, the stars, told me where will I go,
Before I promptly fell,

Savor this moment between two nothings,
It is all that exists,
The regrets for time wasted is precious,
When understood like this.

Now let us sink,
Back down and then forget,
This boat I send off for others to find,
Though, I've not found one from others, as yet.

Preparing for Battle

I know I can do this,
The question is, will I?
Is it possible it is hit and miss,
If I'll conquer or die?

I have to believe that I have control,
No, I have to just know,
For if it's in my power to succeed,
Not believing is not the way to go,

Succeeding means you are ready to fail,
There must be risk to win,
Ensuring your odds by surrendering,
Your self to nature's whim.

It's on your side,
If you are on its, too,
Accept the gift of pure uncertainty,
Wrapped in the pleasure of presenting you.

It's Time

It's coming together,
If I just let it be,
Don't get excited and try tinkering,
'sif I've sagacity,

Getting in the way of the universe,
Giving me a leg up,
The smallest effort of it thwarted by,
Me paying my two cents for a new rut,

Then asking why the universe don't care,
To help a brother out,
Give me a cent for each two cents I've lost,
And I'd be rich, no doubt,

You do the math,
Look back over the years,
How many times did you get in your way,
Because you couldn't let go of your fears?

The Philosopher's Bowl

This is what I have meant,
I hope you see it now,
Even though some things might seem very weird,
It's accepted some how,

Unless it falls outside propriety,
Then it is really weird,
Don't ask me how to tell which one is which,
Only action reveal what's fine and feared,

Like, go ahead and buy a whole island,
Do whatever you want,
But, god forbid that's all the cash you got,
When the cops want a lot,

And you are broke,
Oh boy, that's the real crime,
Having money proves you have got the stuff,
When you've done something wrong to pay the fine.

Get Ready

This might be the lowest,
In relation to age,
That in retrospect I'll have found myself,
When I am gone and dead,

My life will seem like an epic journey,
This being the nadir,
Then through a series chance encounters,
My opportunity's finally here,

Yes luck is ninety percent readiness,
But something's got to come,
Detached from any effort on your side,
To make the connection,

To succeeding,
Plus a firmly blind eye,
To those for whom luck has been elusive,
Who've been as ready for it as have I.

Youth Wasted

Each week is different,
And closer to your death,
You look back on ones that were not as good,
P'haps you were smoking meth,

Or not succeeding at something you tried,
You thought was your mission,
Then you fail worse in the week after that,
You believe that your peak has come and gone,

Distraction all around you doesn't help,
You are the cause of it,
If you knew what you actually want,
Nothing could inhibit,

Your direction,
Focused and confident,
You would need to be thirty years younger,
Not to accept this basic axiom.

This Isn't Me

Sometimes you must delay,
Something you have to do,
So you do not feel like you owe the world,
Or that the world owns you,

To remember that ev'rything you see,
Is there for no reason,
Even though people try to tell you that,
Like they know ev'rything under the sun,

But to know it all you must know it all,
Though I can't know for sure,
There isn't anyone alive or dead,
That's e'er had that power.

Can I say that?
It's feeling blasphemous,
If I know this world, and believe I do,
I better keep this post anonymous.

The American Dream

The American dream,
It is just as it sounds,
Propped up by a very few who make it,
To keep the dream around,

I guess it's not bad living in a dream,
If you never awake,
If hunger doesn't annihilate sleep,
Or debt, your home and security take,

Or plug yourself into a computer,
That hides all of those things,
You are wasting away but don't know it,
Wait, that is happening,

The dream's here now,
What was I worried 'bout?
Better a short, blissful, and easy life,
Than one of struggle, unfairness, and doubt.

Delayed Thought

I don't have time for this,
No time to think things through,
To avoid thinking back to things I say,
In this moment with you,

I need to work on who I want to be,
Truly, it's about time,
Even if that means being who I've been,
Letting circumstances be what defines,

What it means to be who it is I am.
It's worked for me so far?
It's a testament to my self knowledge,
That I'm not really sure.

This is my life
Either by faith or fear,
With no concrete consequence either way,
Always hoping that this could be the year.

Survive

What have you done in life,
When you look back on it,
Thinking through the decisions that you made,
And what you've not done yet,

Those times you were presented with a choice,
Did you take time to think,
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven steps out,
From the possible consequences brink,

Or did you put faith in some kind of fate,
You thought was on your side,
Because you lived life without strategy,
Like it's some kind of ride,

Which it respects,
It you personified,
While you waste time thinking what could have been,
If you could have stomached knowing you'd like.

Too Bad, So Sad

So I didn't get it,
Worse things have happened, no?
People have died, bombs dropped, houses destroyed,
Someone has spoiled the end,

The key is not to hold on to the past,r> Except as a lesson,
What to do, not to do, to do next time,
Know societal configurations,

Oh sure, take some time to commisserate,
We all need catharsis,
Even draw it out for a couple days,
If you think you'll exist,

For long enough,
Tomorrow's not ensured,
In your final moments, you think you'll wish,
Your indignation with the world endured?

Don't Bother Reading This

I have nothing to say,
So, let me start right now,
I do think I have it all figured out,
I only don't know how,

I successfully got myself this far,
That is, I'm still alive,
Despite that we're a system made of things,
Individually can't be revived,

I mean, what keeps all our parts together,
Don't tell me that it's god,
You may's well tell me it is a fairy,
That assembled this bod,

Until I see,
How that matters to me,
Right now, as I navigate labrynth,
That brings death to all who manage leaving.