Jump into my box,
I'd like to be your friend,
And see you a lot.
What is it you eat?
Let me call you Tommy.
I've peaked again, and you seem alright,
Did you just wave to me?
I'll see you later,
I've got a world to save,
When I find this box again,
Then, again, we can play.
Oops, it's alright,
I see you're not moving today,
You're probably too tired,
To play.
1 comment:
Again,fun stuff. Here goes advice to take or ignore : Try to smooth the meter out a little if consistency in reading cadence is what you're aiming for. Try not to use "and" so much. Grab for the crunchiest most energetic verbs. Every word matters. No throw aways. Stay in the voice of the child you once were without being too cute. Go for the real.
The profound can be found in a uni-verse for children -- if it's good all ages enjoy. (:
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