Four Hundred and Twenty Deep Breaths

Just don't think about it,
Until the collapse comes,
At least you can live until you cannot,
Like a true champion,

Like someone with a job to go to, still,
Paid one hundred per cent,
Whose loved ones can go out when they want to,
With no fear of a global pandemic,

Someone who's fairly sure of the future,
With no anxiety,
That the country to the south will decide,
To take our secur'ty,

You have for now,
Oh God, just ignore it,
Forget everything you read before this,
It's four-twenty, baby! Focus on it.

What Are You Saying?

What is that old saying?
Ubiquitous out west,
Like, "Another day, another dollar,"
Is that what you had guessed?

I realize now, it could go either way,
When once it seemed so clear,
That dollar could be earned or could be lost,
Depending on the pandemic that year.

Are all sayings some kind of inside joke,
For peasants to be taught?
A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush,
But those ain't worth a lot.

Come on, I kid,
That's sedition, you bet,
The elite prefer to be more overt,
Another day older, deeper in debt.

The Origins

Here is what experts say,
'bout the start of SARS 2,
It did not originate in a lab,
Then brought home by the crew,

Indeed, it was contracted through a bat,
As, too, are millions more,
Diseases you will never hear about,
For they're not ones vaccines are needed for,

It probably came from a wet market,
Perchance, not bat-eating,
Animal diseases start many ways,
By them and folk meeting,

Which happens more,
As humans spread and spread,
A bat could have peed on somebody's food,
They go to market, now thousands are dead.

Is The Time Now?

There're so many people,
Who no longer have jobs,
Experts with skills they have worked so hard on,
This pandemic can't rob,

Like professional athletes without teams,
Oh, there are those as well,
Now's the time, if you have the idea,
To make a company that would excel,

To gather the energetic and smart,
For a noble pursuit,
A venture for those who need a new start,
No virus can refute.

You say, too soon?
Let life first start again?
Of course, assuming that the life you had,
Was built upon an ideal foundation.

Just Ignore This

Holy mother fucker,
Did I say that out loud?
We all need to yell the odd expletive,
Ev-ery then and now,

History is not unfamiliar with,
Catastrophic declines,
I didn't live through the Great Depression,
But it left millions of workers behind,

It was real, and the debate still goes on,
How it even began,
Of all the consequences of Covid,
It could happen again.

Is that too harsh?
Let's not think about it,
It's one of the reasons banks get bailed out,
While the rest of us must wallow in debt.

A Little Comfort

Not to get too morose,
But we all have our days,
When no other outcome's conceivable,
That's not filled with dismay,

The future's tenuous the best of times,
All we have to soothe us,
Is an illusion of control o'er fate,
While knowledge of what's to come's dubious,

What's different now is we're facing the truth,
The naked emperor,
Bereft of distractions from who we are,
What is all of this for?

Forget Covid,
It has always been there,
The chance that your world could be upended,
All you have built vanished into thin air.

Reality Check

Those moments fear returns,
Thinking you'll lose it all,
Not enjoying this new reality,
Prophesying the fall,

Its imminence a foregone conclusion,
Maybe it's trite to say,
But no matter what's happening 'round you,
Your destruction could happen any day,

All you can ever do is do your best,
While hoping for the same,
Of course some circumstances are preferred,
I'm not friggin' insane,

Just hope to help,
The only way I know,
Short of bustling out in this brave new world,
I am too paralyzed by fear to go.

When This Is Done

Maybe it's not alright,
Things won't turn out okay,
Government policies fail to keep,
Destitution at bay,

This economic shock will put us down,
We will not recover,
From the ashes of this society,
We'll have to build some kind new structure,

But who will rise to decide what that is,
Before the elite do,
Those with power from this broken machine,
Who used to oppress you?

Will it be you?
Please try for improvements,
Keep what is good and only discard bad,
Save people's rights and the environment.

The Real You

Do the days feel longer?
You may have had enough,
Is time flying by faster than ever?
You may have had enough,

Will you feel cheated if it all ends now,
For you expected more,
Or will you have come out the worse for wear,
Having lost job, loved ones or a front door?

Have you been inside an epicenter,
Of the contagion,
Or observing, untouched, from the outside,
Hoping it don't come in?

What have you been,
During this force majeure?
If nothing else you will learn who you are,
You have to be yourself, 'til there's a cure.

In Retrospect

Governments knew sooner,
Than when actions were made,
Knowledgeable bodies warned pandemic,
That plans now must be laid,

We had the experience of SARS 1,
I blame short memories,
We all flew and shook hands willy-nilly,
While it hovered far away overseas,

Now we blame WHO for not yelling out loud,
Hey, it's a pandemic,
As if they wouldn't have been laughed of stage,
By the body pol'tic,

In fact, they were,
Vis a vis the U.S.,
Truth be told, there's still laughter in the halls,
Of the mansions of the country-club set.

Get Used To It

This new reality,
Isn't new, anymore,
We're past the curiosity of it,
We're over being bored,

Self-improvement's become annoying,
Runners shunned like the plague,
The only thing we do more than sleep now,
Is line up for things we can barely pay,

We want to interact with friends in flesh,
Not on a TV screen,
We don't want to wash our windows again,
For what there's to be seen,

Just set us free,
Wait, I know that can't be,
It might be that we have to change our minds,
To adjust to this old reality.

Analysing From One Centre

Maybe you have travelled,
Or, maybe you've traveled,
Between two places with different laws,
For when viruses kill,

You might expect your neighbour to help you,
If you were out of food,
But perhaps your neighbor stockpiled his own,
But says if he had some to give, he would,

You might take offence when the rules are shirked,
Of social distancing,
Whereas, in defense of freedom of self,
Others might go dancing,

It's a thin line,
That separates the two,
One holds dialogue twixt people and gov,
While in the other dialog's eschewed,

In The Face Of Adversity

We'll never be the same,
Not that we ever are,
Each day we must face diverse challenges,
That strips one more cover,

From the person that's ultimately you,
Though you are never reached,
Whether dealing with the trauma of death,
Or a man who will never be impeached,

You might lose your job due to pandemic,
You may run out of milk,
Someone might tell you that you're horrible,
This all proclaims your ilk,

Embrace challenge,
What else could living be?
When else are you called to reveal yourself?
I guarantee you will like what you see.

To The Healers

It's just reality,
For everyone you see,
You cross the street to avoid walking close,
It's not effrontery,

You refuse to visit your relatives,
Or have friends come over,
Peak out the curtains if the doorbell rings,
Which rarely happens in this brave new world,

Unspoken awareness of what we know,
No need to spew it out,
We wear masks that we'd eschewed in the past,
We made ourselves, no doubt.

Still people die,
Some see it everyday,
Up close, in the most contagious setting,
In battle, what courage humans display,

Second Chances

This is when things get sad,
If they're not already,
The euphoria of the shock has waned,
Now it's reality,

All the uncertainty of what's to come,
Not knowing when it will,
After all the weeks of self improvement,
You have to acknowledge you're yourself, still.

You didn't do it before, so why think,
You will do it this time?
It's like you've finally got your second chance,
To blame, complain and whine,

But there is more,
The world is on the brink,
P'haps you'll find yourself a different one,
Much more suited to the way that you think.

If This Teaches Us Anything

Could this be the starting,
Of a new kind of life,
One based, not on our perceived differences,
Eliminating strife,

One where we recognize humanity,
As something we all share,
Acknowledging, yes, that many e'er do,
Who sacrifice a better life to care,

But economics doesn't reward that,
Only one's own desires,
What I'm suggesting is that currency,
Would value love higher?

Don't say it does,
Or it would equal pow'r,
If what we're suffering now proves at all,
Is that money for money's sake is dour.

What's Next

Uh oh, what did Trump say?
Knee jerk approach, again,
First the Global Health Security Team,
Was nixed by John Bolton,

Then nary two years later, what happens?
Well, don't have to tell you,
Though maybe someone should have convinced Trump,
Weeks ago, that this is not just a flu,

Now in a flail and the US scrambling,
With no GHST,
He tells 3M, "no masks to Canada."
He say, 'military'?

Well, not quite yet,
They're mostly all abroad,
He will next abandon his foreign "plans",
For the shiny thing makes him feels like God.

Oxford Bags

Groceries cost more, now,
People are making less,
Many have lost their jobs all together,
An uncleanable mess,

Canadians were already in debt,
It is like Oxford Bags,
That book anticipated that the world,
Would have to one day eliminate cash,

Just stamp value on individuals,
Depending what they do,
No one starves, still no one gets farther than,
How they have labelled you.

But before that,
There'll be a lot of pain,
Our children, not knowing what it was like,
Like us, will only have cause to complain.

Taking It Down

I've been doing Qi Gong,
I thought it was Tai Chi,
You would think that all this time to myself,
I could know what I mean,

The one is meant to cure specific ails,
Not the one going round,
The other keeps you healthy in and out,
Body balanced and your mind calm and sound,

This, more than Covid, has toppled my world,
It's under my control!
Next I will find I've been walking backwards,
Or what is clean is coal.

Sounds trite, I know,
It's all I've got left for,
Maybe tomorrow I can consider,
The continued felling of life, once more.

April Fools!

Has it all been for this?
Distancing from loved ones,
Loneliness for those living by themselves,
And in isolation,

Businesses closing inevitably,
Few could survive this drought,
Existing friction amplified with those,
With whom you must figure custody out,

Jobs lost, dreams crushed, opportunists rejoice,
Debt more common than not,
Forget refugees crammed in germy camps,
Or what our nurses got.

Is it a joke?
One big April fools prank?
No need to wait until just before noon,
This morning is good for the reveal, thanks.

The Lesser Evil

If you have nobody,
How lonely you must be,
Phone calls and greetings from six feet away,
Can't satisfy your needs,

While no one claims to know the duration,
Of this isolation,
They know that solitary confinement,
Is cruel and unusu'l punishment,

At least we all can still buy booze and weed,
That law appears prudent,
Drinking alone beats being with your thoughts,
Unadulterated.

But, then again,
If you're ere dependent,
The hospitals can't deal with your detox,
If they must also handle this Covid.

Just The First One

The next wave is coming,
With the wave of airplanes,
People who have been the least diligent,
Who’ll be first to complain,

Of coughing and fever and lack of smell,
After backyard bonfires,
Forget flattening the curve after that,
Unless we pull the starting point higher,

They say it’s not about not getting it,
But managing the stream,
So the hospitals can manage the sick,
Without choosing who’s seen,

And who will die,
Which, yes, exceeds the flu,
Another wave is the reoccurrence,
Of the next Covid, this is practice, too.

With Best Intentions

Strain is getting higher,
As the numbers do, too,
Covert and fast without ID to scan,
How much can I trust you?

Not that you're washing your hands ev'ry hour,
Or maintaining your space,
But that despite all of your precautions.
Contamination hasn't taken place,

For by the time a treatment's created,
More will have it than not,
For most it's not a matter of if, but when,
You'll get what's to be got,

So don't blame me,
I didn't make this thing,
Intentions pure, actions clean as can be,
My fingers crossed while hands disinfecting.

Make It End

We are all just waiting,
For this madness to end,
The days indoors not knowing what you've touched,
Being distanced from friends,

Being paid less than you're supposed to be,
If being paid at all,
Not having many places to spend cash,
Even if you somehow had a bankroll,

Seeing everyday numbers get higher,
Inching their way to you,
Would I could get it over with, myself,
If you'd not get it, too,

Then there's the cure,
May that search end, also,
Until then, multiply the hospitals,
Plus do not leave me poor when Covid goes.

It Ain't Me

Isn't it exciting,
The party down the street?
All them shouldering up to each other,
Hopefully, you will meet.

Thank goodness the virus is not for you,
Your bubble's strong and firm,
Now wash your hands a couple seconds less,
You've built an understanding with your germs,

That sore throat's obviously something else,
Self-wisdom thrives in you,
'sides, anything you manage to pass on,
Is probably the flu,

Because out there,
Is a show you're streaming,
You're one in eight billion around the world,
Whose pandemic is not what it's seeming.

Don't Ask Me

Does my chest feel heavy?
Was that a special cough?
Does my head feel hotter than usual,
Should I take two weeks off?

How can a bricks and mortar company,
Recover from this blow?
Same rent owing with half the revenue,
For whatever god there is only knows,

How will those living on the precipice,
Survive, given they do?
It's little comfort when the trite reply,
It's not bad as the flu.

Who gives a shit?
Tell that through the plexi,
To the essential worker getting paid,
Minimum wage so you can buy TP.

Where Is The Wealth?

Where is all the money,
Each of us was promised,
Either through hard work or matrimony,
When we were only kids?

It's blowing away faster than it came,
With the economy,
Do you think that after this is done with,
The government's getting you to your feet?

Let Covid be a lesson for us all,
We've not been smart enough,
Not to save money for a rainy day,
But we've devalued us,

Let there be light,
Shed upon trying times,
From the dire prospects of near poverty,
Ope the coffers filled with our sweat and grime.

Society's Roots

We are all under stress,
The world has changed a lot,
Instead of people looking at themselves,
They're scared what others got,

They're looking at you with uncertainty,
Sidle left or deke right,
Be on the lookout for a sneeze or cough,
Any scene could erupt into a fight,

Many want to do something to help out,
But we're not trained that way,
By the time you figure what show to watch,
Frankly, you are just drained.

This is the test,
Of what we're meant to be,
Fighting until we're the last standing or,
Inherently loving humanity.

What Makes Us Great Again

This is a new being,
Though much has stayed the same,
While we treat fellow humans with more care,
Hate's on a diff'rent plane,

It's the fatal flaw that thwarts each ideal,
Free markets ain't evil,
Neither is the notion of anarchy,
They'd be the same run with equal good will,

We would each of us be taken care of,
For we'd care back in turn,
Ambition turned to community health-
Why stare so taciturn?

Right, say no more,
That's not what makes us great,
Everything humans have yet accomplished,
Is thanks to a greed that appears innate

Helping Out

You want to do something,
But don't know where to start,
Looking after yourself is hard enough,
The horse that pulls the cart,

How much time do you have to sacrifice?
How much others for you?
Giving it up seems against the purpose,
Community was one day meant to do,

Pool resources to make life easier,
Still, people have to toil,
Would they could all just do what they do best,
But nature always foils,

With assortment,
Like a box of choc'lates,
Now Forrest is in self-isolation,
And our resources are basically lost.

Our Window

Everyone is dying,
To do what they do best,
As the economy takes away jobs,
While Covid does the rest,

People are running down the street for health,
Our dreams are remembered,
Monopoly is just a game again,
While mortgage payments are being deferred,

The Green New Deal is now within our grasp,
If money can be quashed,
While we all expend the same energy,
That the Earth may be washed,

By our own hands,
Of course, sane minds must rule,
With a shock doctrine for the good of all,
Not colonization and fossil fuel.

The Times

The air's getting cleaner,
Saving potential souls,
Instead of boats, swans and dolphins swim in,
Rio de l'Arsenal,

It's like the earth is saying, "there, you see,
"That wasn't so painful,"
But then the economy answers back,
"Except, I'm taking food from people's bowls,

"No one that wasn't rich in the first place,
"Will receive true relief,
"They will all starve, until they're back to work,
"And I'm back on my feet."

Double distress,
Not to mention Covid,
We catch a glimpse of what humans could be,
Just to see more tragically, what we did.

To Get 'Er Done

If you do a little,
Today and tomorrow,
Then you do a little more the next day,
Then continue to go,

Don't stop until you are inside your grave,
Or your mausoleum,
Whatever it is you have accomplished,
Will be more than most the population.

It need not interfere with other things,
Maybe moments of angst,
Those hours of consuming other's products,
For which you get no thanks,

It helps no one,
Except, perhaps, your mind,
Digesting what has already been made,
To see what is left in your heart to find.

Woke

Have you woken up, yet,
Into your life's next dream,
Infused with lessons you learned in the last,
Not knowing what they mean,

As unsure of the realness of what's seen,
Or of what is to come,
The same person, yes, but maybe this time,
With just a little less self-delusion,

With a little more faith in who you are,
(Who says you can't live twice?)
Believing you're never too old to try,
What you once thought was nice?

Asleep again,
With fluttering eyelids?
E'en if this is all just an illusion,
It's the only life that you have to live.

You Are Special

It is not that times change,
Or that you, yourself, does,
No one's had life-changing epiphanies,
Or grand revolutions,

It's all a ripple in a vast ocean,
A crinkle in a page,
A great boulder pushed up a mountain top,
Only to roll down, then pushed up again,

Or perhaps your pattern's not so acute,
To repeat more than once,
A bio infused with a randomness,
That every human hunts,

Because we thirst,
For something more than us,
As if each one of us is so unique,
We break the mold of this vast universe.

Wordmark

To find the perfect word,
For what you want to do,
That elicits the same from other folk,
Feelings it does for you,

It is not so much the definition,
As the way that it feels,
Nestled inside your brain without thinking,
While maintaining a comforting appeal,

Taking on an existence of its own,
Oh where art thou, my sense?!
A thought for now until forever more,
To get you off that fence,

Onto my side,
Just for the sounds of it,
Unless it just never unveils itself,
The perfect size, and yet it never fits.

Immersion

The tapping of fingers,
Before tapping the keys,
Sounds, once foreign to all of humankind,
Now a ubiquity,

Screens upon screens, periphery and front,
Neck pains and joint damage,
Connections with people like ne'er before,
Demonstrated by attaining a badge,

No longer can one feign being away,
Everyone's always home,
Bricks and mortar are hardly considered,
When staring at one's phone.

Where we've arrived,
Cannot be understood,
Until we can look back decades from now,
For now we'd not lift our eyes if we could.

Happy New Decade!

You've had this thought before,
As if you're someone new,
Is there limit to reinvention,
That don't allow you to?

As if you will always be who you are,
No matter age or state,
There is not one person in history,
Whose life's actions this could repudiate,

But as David Hume has reminded us,
God, Dave, it's been so long,
Just 'cause the sun's risen since you were born,
It not rising's not wrong,

It's what it is,
So go and prove them wrong,
Be everything you've ever wanted to,
Carrying any naysayers along.

The Real Goal

It's only here I'm safe,
Through no lack of trying,
Is it that nothing will be left for me,
After all that lying,

Down on my bed of comfort and privilege?
It takes all kinds, you know,
Surely, there should have been a place somewhere,
For someone with my appetite to go.

Some say the opportunities were there,
That they are still there, yet,
Yet, try to tell that to my confidence,
You'll be laughed off, I bet,

Until right now,
All bets officially closed,
There are still tacks I've yet to navigate,
Like trying only to follow my nose.

Now What?

Want to know the future?
It’s really not that hard,
Just find someone you want to emulate,
Then play all of their cards,

Is not our understanding of the world,
Based on repetition?
We all agree that actions have effects,
So that we can justify conclusions,

The foundations of our society,
Would collapse under foot,
Which is maybe why you are failing now,
Feeling like you’re hard put,

Because you are,
Life’s never been that fair,
Or rather, you’ve never figured it out,
So now do you have the courage to dare?

Not Yet

Perhaps your time is done,
There’s nowhere left to go,
The years closed more doors than you knew were there,
Or what they were e’en for,

Maybe the years left are all maintenance,
Of what you’ve built so far,
Trying to keep the roof over your head,
Not get up and getting into your car,

Driving to where you always wanted to,
But never thought you could,
For life’s not presented as what you can,
But rather what you should.

So, here you are,
It’s not over, you know,
Plenty of folks live right up to their death,
Never giving up where they need to go.

The Stress of Not Knowing

If you could see the end,
With no pow'r to change it,
The choices you make only affecting,
The road you take to it,

Imagine the advantage you would have,
Over time's tyranny,
No more fear of what your actions might do,
To the outcome of your mortality,

Each moment could have in mind a true goal,
For truth is hard to find,
Its value's greater than all the world's gold,
Or unlimited time,

But then again,
Do you really need truth,
When living as if you know what it is,
Is not diff'rent in effect to the sooth?

Sitting

There seemed so much to do,
Then I sat down to it,
Sometimes when you stop to take a breather,
You just don't give a shit,

The mind wants to focus on where you are,
As if finding yourself,
The world you've been in somehow changes you,
So that what's important is something else,

Your job, your debts, and those who attack you,
A bubble you live in,
Opaque, blocking out light, you've no body,
Most you know will give in,

It's called living,
As opposed to being,
Then you look through the bubble from outside,
To realize it's not you, you're seeing.

Under Tombs

It's all but disappeared,
In the darkness beyond,
Too frightened or perhaps too logical,
To leave your position,

The safety of the wall your hand rests on,
Means you cannot take risks,
The death of which may delay your own death,
Yet, fills your life with repetitiveness,

But once you abandon that which you know,
For of which don't know much,
All of the hands in the world will not help,
For there's nothing to touch,

That they will know,
You'll have to feel around,
Until what there is becomes a new wall,
Or you surrender dead upon the ground.

Next

When you've an idea,
You want to bring to life,
You take a step in the right direction,
Towards the  nat'ral light,

But what happens if you come up against,
Something that's in your way,
Not completely blocking your view of it,
Though, demanding  to pass you have to pay?

Do you decide that it is not worth it,
Move on to something else,
That the real joy of creativity,
Is commune with the self?

That is a choice,
Made every minute,
If it wasn't, wouldn't the world be filled,
With the thoughts of everyone in it?

Logic

What you do in your life,
Has many dependents,
Parents, history, and inclination,
And, of course, dependents,

You can spend your time reviewing these things,
In fact, I’d say you must,
Each moment you aren’t instead living,
To avoid a general self disgust,

Which tends to happen when you don’t look in,
Opting to look around,
Comparing, blaming, manipulating,
Imagining you’re bound,

To what you are,
Which, indeed, you must be,
As long as you’re thinking in the moment,
Not a future reckoned by history.

Stand Up

This particular task,
Many would face with fear,
If they had any modicum of shame,
Or even held it dear,

Either would undermine genuineness,
Nothing great was e'er done,
Without a naive, childlike playfulness
Executed with reckless abandon,

That is not to say don't do your homework,
You need a foundation,
Made from material others ere know,
Else there's no relation,

Which is the key,
Unless you do not care,
If you are producing the best you can,
While others can only wonder and stare.

On This Day

Upon self-reflection,
Of my life lived thus far,
The different stages I can recognize,
In retrospect, the bars,

The surprising reactions from others,
Both kind and indifferent,
Hostility from self-preservation,
Or ingratiating opportunists,

Expectations not in line with my fate,
Decisions made the same,
Realizing that when it's all said and done,
It is all how I came,

To be who I'm,
There is no turning back,
But, were I born me, on this very day,
I would feel there is nothing that I lack.

Still

Oh, the way things do change,
And, yet, they stay the same,
It’s amazing we can give anything,
A unifying name,

Like two things that appear like each other,
Should be treated as one,
As if a thing doesn’t change over time,
No matter how strong its constitution,

But maybe the thing is we change with it,
In direct proportion,
Like slowly sneaking all around a tree,
Ne’er catching your victim,

Then there’s the tree,
Growing too slow to see,
It’s a testament your type of change,
That I have faith in our vitality,

Priceless

Do you recall that ad,
Advertising something,
In which they name a list of random things,
Including quantity,

Like, ‘four years of dental school in L.A.,
‘One secret to confess,
‘A conference of five thousand colleagues,
‘Ten thousand hands clapping for you, priceless’

Now that I think of it, I’m not quite right,
The numbers all are costs,
You pay with cash in exchange for lifestyle,
But then, it’s not a loss,

I remember,
It was a credit card,
Like debt is naught to who you really are,
Should believing that really be that hard?

No Control

If you feel impeded,
You must ask yourself ‘why’,
Are circumstances out of your control,
As you watch then go by?

Has what was you become an observer,
On a lazy river,
Open to the weather and the currents,
A victim who may swelter or shiver,

Waiting to complain to the attendant,
About the lousy ride,
When you could have stepped out of the air tube,
Really, at any time,

You don’t want that!
Responsibility?!
Much better your choices are made for you,
Than take control of your own destiny.

Stand Up

You’ll not be popular,
Or rather, yes you will,
Telling people how your life really is,
Depending on your trill,

Does it denote a hint of jealousy,
Or vulnerability,
Does truth underlie the tales that you tell,
Or are they shrouded in uncertainty?

Do you put them together  as you should,
Without thought, but feeling,
No consideration for who you hurt,
Or who is listening?

For that’s the key,
To uncovering truth,
To understand how we fit in this world,
To pass on our wisdom onto our youth.

Trauma

There is no beginning,
When it comes to trauma,
It runs like veins through the generations,
To daughter from mamma,

To nation from the nation before that,
Before the apple's bit,
It unlocks our minds to what's really there,
After consciousness has got hold of it,

Each time it visits our lived existence,
It is like a fresh bruise,
The blood rises up, just under our flesh,
Reminding us there's someone to accuse,

Of all our hurts,
From time immemoryal,
So we lash out because of what's inside,
Ensuring that the mark will never heal.

The Way

What was it that you did,
To make you who you are?
Or is your story one of resistance,
Despite the guiding star,

Residing in each of us since our birth,
Lighting up the true path,
The one filled with magical sights and sounds,
Rather than with disappointment and wrath?

Or e’en a mixture of the two extremes,
Though some say that’s the best,
No person deserves the best life can give,
If it’s denied the rest.

But wait, is it?
P’haps there’s a path for all,
Denied by most because their eyes are closed,
For they’ve been told they shouldn’t have the gall.

It's Not Over

Those things you used to do,
In the throes of your youth,
Directed not by your mind, but by blood,
Before you even knew,

Continue on in the lives of others,
Will continue past them,
While you stand in front of the toilet bowl,
Wondering when the next thing will begin,

For life does not end with a certain year,
Unless you make it so,
You could stop it at your first obstacle,
Before you even know,

What it's about,
Which is all up to you,
There's never been one single ideal life,
You could discern from an outsider's view.

Severence

If you think it's too late,
Well, then it surely is,
There is nothing like believe to define,
Your life's true edifice,

Each minute is another building block,
What will you make it of?
The bitterness from goal's disappointments,
Due to what became unrequited love,

Or acceptance of your reality,
Beyond what you create,
The material that makes new structures,
That redefine your fate,

Each one's a choice,
Though, only one is real,
Like any law writ to protect our rights,
They only work with the right to appeal.

Self-Awareness

You’ve checked in with yourself,
A thousand times before,
It has taken you a long time this time,
You couldn’t think what for,

But then you’re reminded of who you are,
Next to what you’ve become,
You realize no matter how hard you tried,
Your essence informed ev’ry decision,

For despite what many may have told you,
The goal’s not to improve,
As if you can change who you really are,
Without losing you, too,

Who’re you to know,
What you should rather be?
Know thyself then let thyself carry on.
There is no better judge of thyself than thee.

Street Watching

Did you know you could die,
That you may have by now,
That one day you will certainly be dead,
The only question's how,

That everyone that you will ever meet,
Will be dead one day, too,
That most of the people that will e'er be,
Will not be known by or even of you,

That everyday is like a bonus day,
To do with as you please,
Working hard for generations coming,
Or ambling by with ease?

No matter what,
There is one thing you get,
Moments of awareness that you're unique,
As are the lives of those you haven't met.

Understanding

It gets no easier,
This life's repetition,
You arch forward just a little wiser,
Then loop right back again,

Yes, each cycle means you have made progress,
But, pray, tow'rds what, my friend?
Is there time in this short life to finish,
Even should you reach one hundred and ten?

Or does each generation carry on,
From where we have left off,
Destined to loop right back again, itself,
Making the same errs oft?

Tow'rds what, my friend?
Will we make it that far?
So many questions, asked so many times,
Just standing on one of the cycle's arch.

Looking Back

Let us begin over,
Each day is a new start,
Imagine you could do what you wanted,
Math, science, dance or art,

Replay anything in your history,
With knowledge you have now,
Though chances are you wouldn’t do diff’rent,
First impressions are made with a kapow,

It may alter some with experience,
You should hope that it does,
There’s always a chance in this fucked up world,
For obliviousness,

Or too much truth,
Moderation for all,
To provide the right flexibility,
So that the chips, where they may, can still fall.

Return

Oops, I did it again,
Hope it happens again,
Lest there is such a thing as jinxing it,
I will keep it hidden,

For there are things that die from being known,
Like one’s humility,
Certain molecules we have not found, yet,
The cosmic force that first brought you to me,

So, as I do cruise along life’s highway,
The wind against my face,
I’ll count my blessings with a chosen few,
With my best poker face,

But I’m ready,
Like I was twenty-two,
A time traveller to where there’s no time,
To ask why the universe blesses you.

It’s Yours

Remember that person,
That you were way back when,
You thought the world could offer anything,
Not in your possession?

You’d just put it out to the universe,
Then pow! And there it was,
No scepticism that there is no force,
That would take care of you simply because,

Because we are part of reality,
Like doubt is part of us,
When things don’t make sense when we look for it,
In arrogant disgust.

But that’s just us,
Once we learn to forget,
That life’s here for us and we’re here for life,
Nothing is not already ours to get.

Tomorrow

I am feeling swell, now,
Who knows ‘bout tomorrow,
Reality is unpredictable,
No one can really know,

Even yesterday can change day to day,
For some, it never has,
I mark mine by the ones that I’ve known you,
Every other day is just the past,

The ones to come won’t make me promises,
Nor will I give them one,
To tell the truth, promises make no sense,
With this situation.

Think about it,
What has been guaranteed,
Other than death, taxes, my love for you,
And, of course, the future’s uncertainty

You're Where You Are

Let us just start over,
Like nothing has happened,
The generations leading to our life,
Of which we're not the end,

Carrying with us epigenetic,
Past life influences,
Born in us despite how much we fight it,
Or the result of experiences,

Not to mention you should never alter,
A decision once made,
As if to reflap a butterfly's wing,
After its eggs are laid,

Or retrace love,
As if there's a tale there,
Or take microscopic pics of gladness,
To rearrange the molecules of air.

You’re Not Alone

Lonely as you may feel,
Surrounded by your friends,
Air so heavy it’s suffocating you,
Yet, you’re glad for the end,

There’s nothing like self-alienation,
It trumps the social net,
Either way your mind’s your worst enemy,
Worse when no one can talk you from the edge,

For in that bubble all logic is sound,
When you’re all that there is,
A legitimate possibility,
But also spurious,

For to exist,
Other folk there must be,
Else, who’ve you alienated yourself from,
Making yourself the grand authority?

What Will Come

Jump ahead fifteen years,
They’ll come, no matter what,
Whether you’ll be six feet under the ground,
Or living in a rut,

Sitting in a debtor’s jail night and day,
No money coming in,
On the streets, folks passing by with no word,
As you’re begging for a contribution,

Everyone you ever loved is gone,
Dead or they have left you,
Utterly alone with no good prospects,
No hope for something new,

What do you think?
I get it about right?
Sometimes it takes an extreme example,
To help you calibrate your own foresight.

When You're Alone

It's not hard to wonder,
What meaning there would be,
Without the things around you, you love most,
Like your fav'rite hobby,

The feeling of grass between your bare toes,
Somebody to talk to,
Music that describes your life to a tee,
Medication to help you fight the flu,

Love from a person whom you love back, too,
With a place to have it,
A way to express yourself to the world,
To make you feel legit,

All of these things,
Plus those I couldn't fit,
What are you without those things that make you?
Does the question make you apprec'ate it?

Good Bye For Now

I am feeling dizzy,
From what, I do not know,
Perhaps I'll fall and hit my head and die,
Because my blood's too low,

People will say it's such a tragic thing,
That I should die so young,
'fore my prime, after which it would be fine,
For, at least, my swan song would have been sung,

Little do they know that my coda's done,
Nor will it e'er exist,
I've lived a thousand lives inside my head,
Far too many to list,

I'm good to go,
How many can say that,
Without the accolades to prove they did,
Something worth making their coming death apt?

Loneliness

Loneliness is not real,
It is a state of mind,
Reflected on as if you were outside,
Observing from behind,

A diff'rent person other than yourself,
Thank god you are not they,
Lost in thought for how the world done them wrong,
There's not a goddamn thing that you could say,

Until they turn around and see you there,
They smile seductively,
The desp'rate act of a desperate child,
Who ne'er grew to be thee,

Now here you are,
Two people 'stead of one,
The proof that loneliness does not exist,
Only the outcome of self-reflection.

I Miss You

You might think you know me,
You might think you do not,
What I say of myself might contradict,
All that you have been taught,

You might not act'ally know who you are,
How would I even know?
You might have been told things about yourself,
That left you unable to let yourself go,

You might rely on others for self-worth,
I pray that's not what's true,
You might be happier if you knew you,
Like I'm sure that I do,

You'll never know,
Nobody every does,
Unless you have faith that you are someone,
You might never get to know who she was.

Running From The Moon

How can one existence,
Contain more than one life?
One moment excitement o'er a new day,
Achieving e'er new heights,

Then there is the despair we all have had,
There's no one who's immune,
You may as well try living in a plane,
Attempting to try and outrun the moon,

No less tragic are the unthinking times,
When life's not felt at all,
Comfort masquerades itself as success,
'til you look back at 't'all,

To find nothing.
Let no moment pass by,
That you can't reflect on as momentous,
In those last few moments before you die.

How Long Does a Fruit Fly Live?

We all die so quickly,
Faster than a fruit fly,
Assuming they have no goals in their life,
Or experience time,

Understanding that they don't mate for life,
Or, at least, that they try,
That they have no connection to their kids,
Or that they've never asked the question why.

A fruit fly has never looked at its past,
Wondering where it's gone,
The hopes, the dreams, and assumptions it had,
Of gaining great fortunes.

Granting all that,
We exist a few days,
While fruit flies trudge through an eternity,
Not appreciating the games time plays.

Maybe, Still

You're not getting younger,
But those around you are,
The goals you've had are shared by many more,
Who have not gone so far,

Who have their fingers on a diff'rent pulse,
Reflecting the next wave,
While your blood runs thin in the new regime,
For which those who will have already gave,

It's not about what you see anymore,
If it had ever been,
You've not made it yet, so you never will,
For it's a diff'rent scene,

Unless it's not,
If you've been telling truths,
Sometimes it takes a new generation,
To appreciate unrecognized sooths.

Beware The Dog Killers

Life is not a puzzle,
Of secrets hid by god,
Or with codes left in songs, when played backwards,
Writ with a knowing nod,

There is no morality that solves all,
Or can erase your guilt,
There was no thought put to its foundation,
When the structures that define us were built,

The voices that guide us is not instinct,
Nor embedded since birth,
For, as of yet, no one has cracked our code,
The only thing of worth.

Let there be light,
Shining forth from our minds,
Reflecting only the colors we know,
Determining what each of us can find.

The Next Moment

Zelda approaches the stone,
Like Arthur of old tales,
The blade is cold in hands raised up aloft,
Success aft’ many fails,

Confidence after evenings of self-doubt,
That linger even now,
Past wins are stories of another’s loss,
Who were wrong and yet defeated somehow,

Like just one foothold on a ragged face,
There is still far to go,
Despite the odds overcome to that point,
Fearing the fall below,

It never ends,
Best you understand this,
Each victory’s another trial’s start,
Passion does not promise another kiss.

How To Be

You will never be me,
E'en if you wanted to,
Forgive me for being as blood to trees,
But you have to be you,

Do not try to learn from mistakes I've made,
They'll ne'er be yours to try,
Maybe, just maybe, you have a hint of me,
As discarded pits are to cherry pie,

Though there is something to pass on to you,
More feeling than advise,
Nothing in your life will be filled with life,
Assoc'ated with vice,

Except on thing,
That only you can know,
I must admit, I've had one of my own,
It is the only thing that makes me go.

Your Call

There's nothing I like more,
I don't know what it is,
It is nothing I could ever describe,
Except to say it's bliss,

I can have it whenever I want it,
It will never run out,
No one e'er begrudges me when it's mine,
For there is nothing prettier, no doubt,

It can be impossibly hard to find,
Yet so easy to keep,
If you don't know what I'm talking about,
You have not yet dug deep,

May you still, yet,
God, may everyone,
Feel like there is nothing wrong with themselves,
A world basking in pure realization.

Living On Your Deathbed

When you're on your deathbed,
Knowing no turning back,
Time not hinged by what's passed and what's to come,
To assess what you lack,

Materials now lacking all meaning,
Just what you know and don't,
The comfort that there's time to fix things gone,
The future one big, empty, gaping moat,

Some folks embrace this moment as unique,
Take my mom for instance,
After all, there's only three things to live,
Birth, life, expiration,

Some more than once,
It is all perspective,
Some people experience rebirth a lot,
For others, death's the only way to live.

Living The Truth

E'vry moment's precious,
No matter what you love,
The feeling of the wind upon your face,
The sun shining above,

The caress of a soft hand on your back,
Watching your home team win,
Finally succeeding at a great task,
Into which you put loads of exertion,

Witnessing the loss of an enemy,
E'er plotting their demise,
Valuing revenge more than self-respect,
Accusing all of lies,

What floats your boat,
Is a-okay with me,
There's more to know about the world you own,
Than I've time for if I'm also to be.

Waking You Up

I'm a simple person,
Don't have to think 'bout much,
Just resting my foot against your bare leg,
Tickles my heart a bunch,

Most movies we watch together, I'll cry,
It is the spectacle,
I've got so many irons in the fire,
I never know who to expect to call,

At the end of the day all I expect,
Is to come out ahead,
E'en if up until the hour of my death,
I may as well've been dead,

Ain't that the truth,
Even simple is hard,
That is, if you're actually living,
Putting some thought in how to play your cards.

When

It is just so easy,
To question who you are,
One moment everything comes up roses,
And nowhere is too far,

It seems the world is open up to you,
People want you to win,
Though you don't now, you will have success soon,
You deserve it after much exertion,

Then the next moment when nothing has changed,
You start to look around,
Nothing's been handed to you, as of yet,
No one's making a sound,

You ask yourself,
When will you get your due,
You cannot help repeating to yourself,
Somebody somewhere must owe it to you

Stay Safe

They make it sound easy,
This thing they call success,
Take what you've been given for being born,
And risk it for a guess,

In a way, this would always be the case,
'fyou want to change your life,
Look around at what it is that you have,
Then be prepared to trade it all for strife,

With the possibility of your dreams,
Finally coming true,
Which, in the end, are never what you hoped,
But what else can you do?

Nothing at all?
Yes, that is an option,
Assume that the reward's not worth the risk,
Stay comfortable in the skin you're in.

Which Is It?

If I push you forward,
Do you fall on your face,
Or do you succeed where you might have failed,
Had you stayed in your place?

Now, what if instead I'm pulling you back,
By the scruff of your neck?
Is it because I'm jealous of your luck,
Or saving you from a terrible wreck?

Each case can be interpreted both ways,
Just like in scheduling,
Push a meeting back or pull it forward,
What does it really mean?

Just make a choice,
Stick to it to the end,
People may misunderstand you a while,
But consistency will be recompensed.

Reaching

Savor ev'ry moment,
Of this uncertainty,
That waning self-confidence that you have,
In your ability,

Look around at the world you inhabit,
Its lack of vividness,
Assembled by your underactive brain,
Deceived into remaining languorous,

Not by satisfaction, but by your fear,
Of failing to achieve,
Isn't it best to keep your dreams out there,
Than try and not succeed?

Some do say that,
Then live until they die,
That drab half of a world's there if you want,
If for the best one you'd rather not try.

Steady The Boat

Everything is close,
Waiting to be dealt with,
Some things you put off because it's not time,
As if it ever is,

But why not put off until you are dead,
What you could do today?
So much has happened that will never change,
It's not your place to propose other ways,

Just keep things the way they have always been,
I've already said that,
If you try to change the way things e'er've been,
You will not enjoy that,

So don't e'en try,
Aren't things great as is?
Let's discuss this again another day,
Meanwhile, just ignore time as it passes.

One Life

There are complications,
With which life is imbued,
What you known, have learned, know you've learned is right,
The angle those are viewed,

How others can influence what you do,
For reasons of their own,
Trying to keep near what's loved, far what's not,
Hoping to god you are not left alone,

Praying that instead that you're raised to great heights,
One above ev'ryone,
For whatever it is you feel you do,
That's your contribution,

If you have one,
It's hard to figure out,
Then if you do, I hope you are allowed,
For many reasons, that may be in doubt.

Grounded

I just realized something,
Amidst all of my thoughts,
While looking through my dad's ephemera,
With eyes that have seen lots,

Held by hands that have been used for many tasks,
Mostly with the same things,
With aims remaining in the narrow scope,
Of a world mostly premade for me,

Preoccupied by fleeting happenstance,
Nothing lasts very long,
Least of all the life any of us have,
Regardless of how strong,

We all forget,
Lost among diversions,
I'll never let go my father's affairs,
Despite all that hence will therefor be gone.

Take The Time

You are not your father,
Your mother, you are not,
You’re not the expectations laid on you,
That should not be your lot,

You’re not the words that you spoke yesterday,
Conjure them if you are,
You’re not your reactions to tragedy,
Or your own children or even your car,

You’re not the guilt for any of these things,
Or product of the past,
Nor an expression of what’s yet to come,
The future doesn’t last,

You’re who you are,
Who’s reading this right now,
It’s not a question of learning that truth,
It’s a matter of figuring out how.

Our Fate

When will it get started,
This thing that we call life,
Preparing from the time that we are born,
For misfortune and strife,

By people who haven’t figured it out,
Not those who did raise them?
Some say the fate of humans is sorrow,
Forever seeking out success and friends,

Never satisfied with what we do get,
E’er comparing to Jones,
Judging self-worth by what others attain,
Ignoring the forlorn,

For they’re failures,
Too lazy to succeed,
Until we find ourselves in the same boat,
Then we find others to judge in more need.

Getting What You Want

You cannot move forward,
If you’re stuck in the past,
If you see no reason to change your ways,
Or if you are an ass,

If you’re so happy you’ve nowhere to go,
That wouldn’t bring you down,
Until perhaps the narcotics wear off,
Or the factory closes in your town,

If you have no faith in evolution,
That things can change at all,
Ev’ryone stuck with their own lot in life,
Whether they rise or fall.

But if you do,
Have hopes beyond the now,
That reality is waiting for you,
When you stop asking yourself if, but how.

Close Your Eyes

We can all close our eyes,
No matter where we are,
Fill ourselves with the silence of our minds,
Amidst the trains and cars,

The constant droning of our daily fears,
Served fresh on the news feeds,
Look left or right, the outcome is the same,
The grass on the other side e’er needs seeds,

The agendas of ev’ryone you meet,
Paranoia’s legit,
If you don’t know who you are in this world,
You’ll be a piece of shit,

No, keep them closed,
We are not quite done, yet,
Don’t stop until you’re completely alone,
You want to re-enter the world, I bet.

Good Fortune

It’s the Chinese New Year,
Don’t know much about it,
I had some dumplings which should bring money,
I’m sure that is legit,

The year of the pig is ‘bout fortune, too,
I’m doing all I can,
In the spring I’ll be chasing each rainbow,
I wish for bird shit to drop where I stand,

Nothing is off the table from now on,
I have nothing to lose,
Like mom said doing nothing’s not a choice,
I have no time to choose,

So bring it on,
Before I’m on the streets,
If riches aren’t in my horoscope,
I’m off to start collecting rabbit feet.

No Matter What

No matter what happens,
Compared to what you want,
Disappointment, dreams come true, accolades,
Or a hist’ry that haunts,

 Or what’s more likely, the whole trifecta,
With prob’lly more thrown in,
Life is long, no matter how it might feel,
Or even if it’s short in duration,

 What will always be under your control,
Is how you look at it,
Though depending on how you were brought up,
You may think me a git.

Maybe I am,
Rather, I am for you,
Plus anyone else who has been in pain,
Minus my mom, who was dying and knew.

Rebel

If you want to be pinged,
You can't hide in a hole,
Asking yourself why you are so alone,
Despite your pretty soul,

You're one of many who wants to connect,
But want to wait for it,
A billion catchers waiting at home plate,
With nary anyone ready to pitch,

Put yourself out there, to use a cliché,
Or simply speak the truth,
That you should have no fear of who you are,
Is known early in youth.

You're born with it,
So why do we forget?
A custom of punishing honesty,
When it's different from what your parents said.

Who You Are

It's not about effort,
Though you need that for sure,
Connections help, but those you'll never get,
Without intentions pure,

A leg up's something you should not sneeze at,
You can't make it without,
This world exists and you must live in it,
Which means acceptance is a must, no doubt,

Still, all these things mean nothing in the end,
With nothing to bind to,
A thing that knows exactly what it is,
Is rarer than the truth,

So, is that you?
Do you know what I mean?
Defining what you see by who you are,
Not self-defined according to what's seen.

When You Are Old

When you get much older,
Let us pray that you do,
The types of goals reserved for younger ones,
Far out of your purview,

The concrete of your youth set long ago,
In fact, begins to crack,
Views you’re embarrassed to bring back to mind,
Experiences you wish to get back,

How will you feel about this museum,
Will it be just for you?
Cluttered, petty, irrelevant to most,
Perspectives barely true,

Or will you bask,
In its grand uniqueness,
The embrace of a quest thrust upon you,
Shining your truth despite life’s pettiness.

Improvisation for Peace

Let's improvise our life,
No suggestions are wrong,
That don't deny anyone's existence,
That has gone on too long,

For to be tall or short, skinny or fat,
Or any other thing,
Is a product of the combination,
Of one's environment and of one's genes,

Neither of which are in anyone's scope,
To change circumstance,
You may as well fault the rose for blooming,
Or the drag queens who dance,

Maybe it's greed,
That promotes our conflict,
But to improvise is to be selfless,
So that one's own fate can never be picked.

The Truth Inside

I forgot you were there,
Looking down upon me,
Symbolizing my most devilish parts,
Though, subliminally,

Like everything you don’t want to face,
Just shred it and forget,
Then, when it regenerates and returns,
Push it back down and then never fret it,

For what are we if not made to deny,
What is in all of us?
We propose ideal worlds for which to strive,
That are not serious,

We all know it,
They are repression tools,
Both, to forget the devil inside us,
And to control us as ignorant fools.

Embrace Yourself

Find what most distracts you,
With joyousness and bliss,
Fill your time with that as much as you can,
And I promise you this,

Serendipity with then follow you,
But that’s just a symptom,
Of your embracing of the skin you’re in,
Born of pure chance, not any intention,

Time will fly and stop simultanyusly,
All space will by your world,
Your words will be pure, your actions graceful,
Your greatness will unfurl,

We all have it,
That jewel inside us,
The error that hides it behind closed eyes,
Is the belief that life’s mysterious.

The Precarious Journey

It's easy to get down,
Both micro and macro,
Life can be so hard just as it is,
With naught to bring you low,

Add the things you have no control over,
Your upbringing forsooth,
Economic woes, emotional pains,
All before you lose your last baby tooth,

Then simple accidents can change your life,
Before revolution,
Ocean levels rising midst hurricanes,
Who do we e'en function?

It's mostly luck,
But love's a must also,
The kind that proves that other hearts exist,
Even in those people you may not know.